the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
