i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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