So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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