I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's not a walk of shame if you run
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
