There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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