i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
