You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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