I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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