i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i think my cat just said my name.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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