Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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