everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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