i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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