Don't you send me to vm
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
