Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
