Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
