i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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