ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
