you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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