Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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