I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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