Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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