my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
