I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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