so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
