May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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