i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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