the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
