Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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