The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
