Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
