Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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