I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
