Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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