Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
