So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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