Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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