I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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