so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
