First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
