theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize