I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
