whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
