Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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