why didn't you poke me back
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We just shotgunned beers for America
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
