you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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