Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
