I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize