The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
