Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
