Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
