are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
