What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
