if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
