why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
