Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
