You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
