Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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