Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
