the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
