You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
