# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
