her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
