I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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