so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
my liver is dry heaving
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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