I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
