it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
