Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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