mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
