How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
