Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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