i just sent this text using only my big toe
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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