he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
