If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my being single is dangerous.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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