I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
