On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
