you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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