Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
