So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
