Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
