Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
