please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
