is your mom at the bar?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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