like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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