I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
