well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
