Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
