Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
