that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
