I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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