i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
