her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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