Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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