I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
