my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
