I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
