eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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