btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
