I am puke
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
