Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
