So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
